A Big Mistake
I believe one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life that completely altered the trajectory and the path I would take is returning to weed after I was completely happy for the first time in my life without it.
After I was released from OSH in 2014 having spent one week and placed on several medications I returned to my dorm on campus. I had medically withdrawn and I think in the notes there was the reason stated as suicidal ideation which presented a liability to the school so I was only allowed to live on campus for about another week.
I remember the first day I returned to campus I was no longer able to attend classes which left me with free time. That first day was amazing in that for the first time in my life I woke up early with plenty of energy and drive to make the best of that day. My roommate was still sleeping so I took my laptop to the library and played an old video game I loved in my youth, Diablo II Lord of Destruction. As the day went on I went to the same cafeteria area I had been to 50 or more times and I was a completely changed man. I was smiling and I saw my peers as friends, it was as if I was high on cannabis, but better. There was absolutely no social anxiety which made it the best trip to that cafeteria I had ever had.
I was generally having a good time being on campus but what was my downfall was that I couldn't just go back to classes and finish the year at the point where I was most capable and actually happy. Instead of engaging in any number of activities I found joy in I decided instead to hang out with my old friends and smoked weed again.
It was only a vaporizing of weed stems so I didn't think it would do anything negative, but I certainly felt it the next day. The following day I didn't wake up early and was tired and had no drive so the only logical thing to do in my mind was to go and smoke flower bud and so I did. Two days and two smoke cessions of marijuana completely de-activated any and all progress I had made in OSH. The meds were no longer working, and I was back in a state of painful depression.
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Searching for the Answer
Non-FictionThis is a compilation of stories involving childhood abuse and trauma through a first-person impactful perspective mostly chronological. It is my story and is not fabricated in any way. I am posting just to get feedback thank you.
