Elizabeth Ulbrickson is the daughter of Al Ulbrickson, the rowing coach of the University of Washington. That's all you need to know.
"The Boys in the Boat" (2023)
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Maybe it wasn't a good idea.
I repeated those words probably a thousand times for the entire weekend, which I purposely spent in my dorm room because I was too afraid to see him.
I didn't regret it. I would be mental to regret something like that, someone like him. However, I think I was scared and, under the spell of fear, I had the tendency to make very bad decisions, just like every other human being... I hoped.
I replayed that kiss more than a thousand times in the record player of my mind. It was probably broken by now, but still perfected. Shattered in the ground, but still pure shimmering perfection.
That was the scary part, the terrifying, ultrasonic, fire alarm in my head.
Don't fall in love again. You're gonna get hurt again. You'll have to pick up the pieces again. And those pieces won't be pure shimmering perfection. They'll be haunted bloody pain.
I was only 19 and I already felt like my heart was giving up on me.
Marilyn would call me insane and delusional, but I haven't told her anything yet, not even the kiss, all because of the not so tendering fear in my chest. That was the only logical reason. If I said it out loud, it would all become real, too real, and nothing aches the same as reality.
Fear is never logical. I tried to remind myself of that unsettling truth, but it hurt. It made me feel more stupid than I already was. It made me feel weaker, more useless and, honestly, just fucking insignificant.
It also made me feel more guilty for caving into the holy ghost of irrationality, instead of going to class. I was just not ready to see him. I couldn't even say his name.
It was just one class, one single lecture of numbers and letters and things that I could catch up. It was just one setback. It was just one foot on the other side of the border of this goddamn anxiety inducing thunderstorm.
"You're not coming to class today?" Mars asked when she saw me still in bed on a Monday morning.
